Thursday, September 30, 2010

Evil: It’s beautiful.

I like to get inside the mind. Stand close to me and I might just try to get inside yours. Most of you probably wont understand this, but then again maybe you will…

I want control. I want to feel in control of something. If I don’t then I feel insecure and I start reaching for a solid object. If I reach, but don’t feel anything then I’ll create it. I don’t want to feel vulnerable. It makes me feel worthless. 

I’ll hate you. I’ll second guess your motives. You can’t be nice to me because I don’t want you to be. You can’t get through to me because if I let you through then that will show me how weak the surroundings I’ve created are. And I wont feel secure anymore. So I’m back to hating you. It’s not personal, it’s just that I know you’re a fracked up witch. 

Yes, yes, I’m feeling much better. 

Let me do whatever I want to my body. You say it’s bad for me. I don’t care. It’s my body and I have control over it. 

What about religion? Well, God, I don’t like you anymore. I’m not angry at you. I can control my emotions. I just don’t like you. Something in the back of my mind is telling me I’m on the right track. 

I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to invade your circle and effect you, I just don’t want you inside of mine. And I surely don’t want to see sympathy. That might make me cry. I just want to hate you and I want you to feel it just enough so that you keep your distance from me. 

Have you heard of witchcraft? It sounds lovely. The allure of an ouija board. No, I’m not bored. To think I could connect to the other side. I would be stronger. 

False security. False power. False strength. False control. You’re evil, but you feel so beautiful.

Disclaimer: This is not my mental state, at the moment. However, these are human emotions that will probably show themselves in one way or another in everyone.


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