Friday, December 10, 2010

Blame It on My Amygdala

Ever wondered why teenagers roll their eyes and say, “You wouldn’t understand,” to an adult when asked what’s wrong?

Also how young people can say, “I love him!” one day and, “I hate him!” the next. And it goes round and round like a merry go round, faces changing with the same song playing and everything.

I have a very smart brother who recently informed me that there is such a thing as an amygdala. Fascinated by this, I had to research it. It’s in your brain, located in your limbic system, which is where your pituitary glands are of course, and is highly associated with classical conditioning. Until around the age of 24 your thought process is going through your amygdala, which is an emotional thought process, hence a lot of decisions young people make are stupid.

Eventually, it moves to your frontal cortex. You know, the logical part of your head that makes you turn into a boring person. :P

All this to say, though I do think it should be encouraged to always talk to adults, there is logic to that closed off, “You wouldn’t understand,” statement.

Generally mother’s deal with the results of the amygdala from their children and therefore probably don’t need to know the science behind behavior in order to understand. Yay for mom’s…(I think degrees are overrated, to bad we need them to get anywhere it seems). And no, this does not mean if you’re not a mommy you are incapable of comprehending matters of the amygdala; after all, you once thought primarily with it yourself.

Just saying, there’s often a gap between young people and adults and that’s probably why. P.S. No personal complaints from myself.

Oh, and because it’s associated with classical conditioning be careful of your environment. All that external stimuli is going to be shaping you heavily.

Okay, your lecture is done.

On a side note, you know those people that start to annoy you in little ways and after a long period of time? Well, I have to see one in dance class quite often. It’s pretty hard to annoy me. But she has a way of saying personal jabs that remind you that umm, yeah, we’re not all great dancers. (So please shut up, it’s just a stupid salsa, do we need perfect finger position RIGHT NOW? Use that thing called a filter and don’t make fun of mine).

Oh, the things we never say. Probably for the better.


Saturday, December 4, 2010

Beautiful Women

Me and a friend once stood talking to a fellow dancer, and as the last AM party goers were starting to trickle out the door and instructors were picking up cups and leftover party food, he began educating us on the topic of beautiful women. They develop egos because they don’t have to rely on their personality to get by, he said. And then they become less pleasant to be around. The woman may be beautiful and men may think the man is one lucky man for catching her, but beauty is not the leading quality and that man may not be as lucky as they think he is. "Make sure you two don't develop egos," He said. The biggest conclusion I grabbed from his delightfully educational talk was:

Make sure when you look in the mirror you can see someone you like.

I told him if we look at everyone as a beautiful unique individual then that helps make sure you never do anything prissy.

It also made me think how awesome Christianity is. Because solely basing on the fact that if an individual loves God and people are made in the image of God then it would be impossible not to love people and treat them like they should be treated because loving them is an extension to the love we have from God. You don’t have to be cool, sexy, or smart for a Christian to give you love. That should be something they give automatically to everyone.

What you earn is trust, because I don’t think a person can ever be good enough to earn someone’s love. I would think you an idiot, (and yes, that was not particularly loving) if you stood back and said, I deserve your love. I would feel like an idiot if I said that to someone too. This I realized when I was at the Orphanage  in Egypt. The kids there barely spoke English, yet they continually reminded me and the other girls that they loved us. They didn't ask if we deserved it, if we were good people, and heck, pouring concrete most the time was not particularly one on one time spent.

Hence, the only word I learned how to say was I love you. I wont try and prove that though right now. Those foreign  words are awfully hard to spell. :P


Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Is Single Over-Rated?

I got pulled over by a cop the other day. He didn’t like the way I pulled out in front of him. It was just a little too close. Was it illegal? No. Did I actually do anything wrong? No. That classifies the cop as an effing idiot in my mind. I wanted to shoot him then and there. Really? Well, at least his tires. I'd leave the shooting for someone else.

I’m told I might just have issues with authority.

I love being single. I look it as blessed freedom. For example, I spend my Friday nights going to dance parties at my studio and I love that there’s no one to ask if per chance I want to do something different…because I don’t.

To say the least, it would cramp my style. But yesterday someone popped the question, is freedom worth the lack of companionship? I don't know. Despite the fact humans were built for companionship I have doubts my need for it runs very deep. Hence, I’ve chosen my schoolbooks and other things over possible relationships in the past.

I’m still quite infatuated with the possibilities being single can lead to, but I will have to ponder on the other side for a while.  

Nothing beats hanging out with awesome people, and last weekend I had the opportunity to see a symphony in Seattle with these awesome people. I now know that the guy that stands up there waving his stick around actually has a purpose. Thank goodness for musically talented people to explain these things.

My body doesn’t like too much caffeine. It let me know that I was over-stepping my boundaries when I started getting weird muscle cramping in my neck. It also lowers a person’s ability to handle stress, which could lead to depression, which I suppose could lead to suicide. Who would’ve thought.


Monday, November 1, 2010

My Halloween

On Halloween night I was doing non other than watching tv with my sister. Here’s the thing about living in the country: no one really goes trick or treating. If they do then they hop over to the nearest city where their Costumes will actually be seeing by neighbors. So needless to say, when a knock came on the door and the little innocent voices of “Trick or treat!” were said at the door, my sister and I both stared at each other with “Uhhhh” looks.

We were lazy. We hadn’t picked up any candy.

The doorbell rang.

“I feel horrible!” My sister said. “We’re ignoring children.”

The blinds were down, all but one light was off, maybe they could tell people were inside, but maybe not.

“Trick or treat!”

I crouched down on the couch. It just made me feel better to do that. Not that I could’ve been seeing anyway.

"They don't know we're ignoring them," I said, "We could be busy. You could be in the shower and I could have my ipod in."

I don't think that made her feel any better, but they eventually went away.

Here’s the thing. I once spent Halloween in the city where I was told, “Here’s the candy because children love to come trick or treating.” I thought, oh, that’s cool. But the city went dead early on. Like what the heck. And no one was out trick or treating. Good thing I didn’t schedule my night around that.

So, in all respects, I really wouldn’t have had any reason to believe in a country neighborhood where there are like no kids that we would get the only kids knocking on our door.

So there you have it. My 2010 Halloween. I ignored the pleas of innocent children, asking for a trick or treat.

I did go to my dance party. And I dressed up as a flapper girl. My brother went as the devil. And here we are, posing for the camera.


Thursday, October 28, 2010

My Fave Poem

     The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Why Perverted People Make Friends So Easily

Humor me please, and understand when I use the word perverted the def in this context would be someone who has no sense of ethics or morality.

I’ve never woken up one day and thought, “Dang, I’d love to be judged today!” Or, “Can’t wait to see their faces when I admit I messed up.”

If I’m around a self-respecting person I wont start talking about the skeletons in my closet. If they say, “How was your week?“ The words, “Oh, well, you know, I’m dealing with an addiction,” are not going to come out of my mouth, if I was dealing with an addiction. I don’t want to feel like I’m less of a human than they are. And some people appear pretty perfect. That’s hard to compete with.

Perverted people are going to make friends easier because when you’re around them you don’t feel like you’re below them. They wont judge you because…well, that would be hypocritical of them and chances are, they don’t care.

There’s a line in an Evanescence song that goes…”Always find my place among the ashes…” So, no matter what happens, if I take myself down to where the perverted people are then a part of me will feel like it has found its place. What part would that be exactly?

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?---Jeremiah 17:9

That part, I suppose.

Conclusion: “Perfect” people are usually more human than we think, and understand better and tend to be the ones who really end up caring (in my experience), but it would help if we could see that because if not, our tendency is to go down hill where we know we will for sure be accepted and not judged.


Wednesday, October 20, 2010

I Touch You Once, I Touch You Twice

If I were to explain my absence I would say that it was because I was cramming for a test and had to put all mental energy into that, but I wont because that would just sound like a lame excuse. I am now a happy senior though.

My exam was on Marketing and it was a nice reminder of why I decided to go for an English degree.

Just to let all the women know, if you like a man but for whatever reason don't want him to know, there are a couple things you should avoid doing. These are subconscious things we start doing.

Run your hands through your hair

Lick your lips

Touch him...not like that but like that, get it? Usually on the hand, shoulder, or thigh when talking to him. And no, the thoughts going through your head are not, "Ooo, I'm touching him."  

Smile more

Tilt your, it's not because you're listening to him more.

The rest of the facts are not as interesting. 

Why do I know this? Because ages ago (yes, 19 allows me to have a past that represents ages ago) I knew this man and came home one night and thought, I wonder if I do anything that would make him think I like him. To my shock I was doing everything listed. "Oh my gosh!" Yep, those were my thoughts. I had no idea there was a correlation. To think, I thought I was just being me.

Good news was, this man was not really all that in-tuned with such aspects of human nature.  

My little brother is funny. He walks into the room and in a girly voice says, "Do these jeans make my butt look big?"

Another time, I will list what men do.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Key words...loner, halloween, coffee, virginity

Rarely do I find myself disappointed in someone. I’m sure it has something to do with the fact I’m a loner. I love being alone. Don’t get me wrong. I love to socialize too. One of my hobbies is getting to know random people. Coffee shops is the best place for this and since I often have my computer and school books out, “What are you studying?” is the typical open liner. Highlight of any boring study day.

I've decided it’s all about what we want from someone that determines how disappointed in them we can be. If I don’t want anything from you, how then can you let me down? You really can’t.

As Halloween is coming up at my dance studio I decided that I need to go costume shopping. It gets tricky when you have to find something you can dance in. Last year I was real brilliant. I went as a ballroom dancer. Yep. That was my creative mind at work.

Oh! And I've recently dyed my hair. Honestly, I feel like my hair lost its virginity. It's a bittersweet thing. Sometimes I can't remember what I looked like before. I turned it espresso! I decided that I loved coffee so much I could no longer just drink it, I needed the color in my hair too. My hair looks almost black and I love it.

I think you should go dye your hair.


Sunday, October 3, 2010

If You Think Kissing Tells You Something

I think I should be allowed to drink at my delicate age of 19. Why? Because I look so good holding a wine glass. have a dirty mind depending on what comes to your mind when I you want a cup? Yes. You already have two...yeah, someone said that to me. Did I get it right away? You'll never know! Haha.

Apparently, a chemical is released in your brain when you kiss someone that makes you feel like you're in love (the one that is released during exercise...heart beating faster, breathing becoming deep and irregular). So sorry to break it to you sweethearts, but that had nothing to do with love. Let me spell it out for you honey...never mind, that would take too long.

I could also go into how your pupils become dilated in dim light, which makes you look friendlier, sexier, warmer, and inviting (why do you think people look better in sunglasses? Correct), so when you are having a candlelight dinner with your sexy date and they say, "I feel like we're sharing an intimate moment when I look into your eyes." You can say, "Oh no we're not, it's just that the pupils in my eyes are dilated and it's making you think this is an intimate moment."

My mom says it's not that unromantic.

I will close this post before I shatter more romantic illusions.

Then again...sorry, can't help it. We subconsciously read each other's body language, taking in more info than we probably realize and so when a girl says she can't believe how well she got along with this new wow! it just means they subconsciously understood each other's body language. Nothing magical happened.

Okay, all done. For realze.


P.S. This post was inspired by amp. I don't know how it got my neurotransmitters working so well, and I'm too tired to care.  

P.S.S. Let's groove tonight, share the spice of life, baby slice it right, we're gonna groove tonight...

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Evil: It’s beautiful.

I like to get inside the mind. Stand close to me and I might just try to get inside yours. Most of you probably wont understand this, but then again maybe you will…

I want control. I want to feel in control of something. If I don’t then I feel insecure and I start reaching for a solid object. If I reach, but don’t feel anything then I’ll create it. I don’t want to feel vulnerable. It makes me feel worthless. 

I’ll hate you. I’ll second guess your motives. You can’t be nice to me because I don’t want you to be. You can’t get through to me because if I let you through then that will show me how weak the surroundings I’ve created are. And I wont feel secure anymore. So I’m back to hating you. It’s not personal, it’s just that I know you’re a fracked up witch. 

Yes, yes, I’m feeling much better. 

Let me do whatever I want to my body. You say it’s bad for me. I don’t care. It’s my body and I have control over it. 

What about religion? Well, God, I don’t like you anymore. I’m not angry at you. I can control my emotions. I just don’t like you. Something in the back of my mind is telling me I’m on the right track. 

I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to invade your circle and effect you, I just don’t want you inside of mine. And I surely don’t want to see sympathy. That might make me cry. I just want to hate you and I want you to feel it just enough so that you keep your distance from me. 

Have you heard of witchcraft? It sounds lovely. The allure of an ouija board. No, I’m not bored. To think I could connect to the other side. I would be stronger. 

False security. False power. False strength. False control. You’re evil, but you feel so beautiful.

Disclaimer: This is not my mental state, at the moment. However, these are human emotions that will probably show themselves in one way or another in everyone.


Monday, September 27, 2010

Honesty is a Virtue. Detecting a Liar is A Skill.

I like being able to know when people are lying to me. It's helpful.

How a woman is most likely to lie.

Man: Why were you late?

Woman: Oh, well you know how Judy is, I couldn’t get out the door she kept on talking her lipstick off. It’s probably for the better, isn’t that red color awful on her? Then traffic was a mess. I swear we slowed down to 25 mph on the highway!”

How a man is typically going to lie.

Woman: Why were you late?

Man: Lost track of time.

A woman will cover up a lie with detail. A man gives one liners.

Also, remember:

1. Hear No Evil.
2. See No Evil.
3 Speak No Evil.

People tend to touch these places in some way when they are lying.

Now, they might be more apt to look you in the eye because they know it will be their reaction to want to look away. This one depends on how smart of a person you’re dealing with.

If they touch their nose, as was observed in the Lewinsky Scandal  with Bill Clinton years later, it is a sign they are lying. Tried and true. Mafia is a great one for this too.

Apparently, they will also look towards their ears if repeating a lie someone told them to say. I have experienced this one a couple of times. It’s pretty cool when you know not to accept someone’s answer because they gave themselves away.

Now here’s the real kicker, if you are an attractive person people believe you more than an unattractive person. So, if you’re ugly, don’t take it personally when people don’t believe you.


Thursday, September 23, 2010

Streaking for Everyone!

There is only one reason why I think streaking should never be legal, and it’s not because of indecent exposure. On the contrary, I applaud such things as nude beaches.

I am against streaking because it would not be good for the economy. If people stopped wearing clothes stores would go out of business, families would go hungry, and fashion would be a lost art.      

However, it is only the bounds of culture that keep minds shut off from such an idea.


Sunday, September 19, 2010

A Passing Love

I once met a man. He was beautiful. And no, I don’t mean that he was purely attractive, though he possessed that quality as well. Because he was gay and currently in a relationship with another man I felt the freedom to go ahead and adore him. I loved working with him and just being around him. Every room seemed brighter when he was in it.

And then one day he had to go away. And I felt like the world had just given me a dose of unfairness. I wasn’t ready to let go of him yet.

I will be honest, I did not miss him. I couldn't. I never loved him. All I loved was how he made me feel and so that is all I missed.

That’s when I decided there’s two kinds of love. The kind where we love someone regardless of how they make us feel and the kind where we love someone because of the way they make us feel.

Here’s what happens when you’re loved because of how you make someone else feel…you are easily replaced and you will be replaced. It’s like an emotional one night stand. As soon as you stop giving you will be discarded for the next victim and you with all your goodness will become a fleeting memory.    

There’s something slightly horrible about how detached the concept is, but yet there’s a shred of beauty in it. I’m not sure why. Maybe because it is so easy to bounce back.


Thursday, September 9, 2010

All You Glossed Up

There is a group of people, scattered around the world that live in this bubble (if you’re part of this group then yes, I’m talking about you) that resembles Candy Land. They have class, they have brains, and they have beauty, but what they lack in is empathy----the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes.

A girl sleeps around. She gets labeled as a slut. And that’s where it ends.

Women were built to feel the need to be loved and adored. If they are not getting that in some form then they will go and find it. If their relationship is lacking with God then you can’t tell them to, “Let God fill that space,” because it isn’t going to work.

They’re going to go to the boy next door because he promises to fill that need. And he’s going to fill it now. Immediate gratification. This doesn’t make them a bad person. It doesn’t justify the action either.

But as Christians we understand that we have something better. We have God and that trumps the activities we might engage in. In fact, God satisfies us so much we don’t even really think about anything else drastic.

Now, it can be hard enough when you are a Christian and you’re in the “know”, but just think how hard it is for someone who isn’t. No duh they find sex, drugs, cutting their wrists an attractive way to go.

Speaking of cutting your wrists, it is often motivated by a feeling of self-worthlessness, guilt, relief from emotional pain…however, some do it for fun. I once met a girl who did it for fun. I think I just stared at her when she said it, thinking to myself, “Now that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.” I didn’t know why someone would do that for fun. I still don’t know why.

Despite the fact that I can’t understand that or many other things doesn’t mean that there isn’t a reason and that they don’t feel whatever it is that’s inspiring them to do whatever it is they’re doing.

Important Note: Bats are responsible for pollinating your tequila. So the next time you find you and tequila getting tight, remember to thank those bats.


Monday, September 6, 2010

I Want to Watch You Sleep at Night

I am officially 19 years old today, which means three things. First, I have no health insurance now. Second, I can no longer fly for free on Horizon airlines. Third, despite all that I welcome the age.  

According to recent studies, your sleep position correlates to your character. How incriminating.

Here they are all summed up:

1. Curled up

Tough on the outside but not as tough on the inside as one would think.

2. On Your Side, Arms down.

You’re social, easy going, trusting…maybe a little too trusting

3. On Your Side, Arms Out.

Open-minded, negative, cynical, and stubborn. The worst one to have to deal with.

4. On Your Back

Introverted type character. High self directed morals.

5. On Your Stomach, Arms Under or Wrapped Around Head or Pillow

You are the extroverted personality, but don’t like to be critiqued.

6. On Your Stomach, Arms Up

 Good listeners, helpful, and are uncomfortable being the center of attention.

You most likely will think that you are a combination of all of them, but you’re not. And this is simply a documented trend. Just because you sleep on your back doesn’t mean you have high standards, so don’t get offended if the collected data is off and you complain because you instead have no morals. I personally, would never take the liberty to put a halo on your head and deem you a good person.  

And don’t be surprised if you wake up and find me hovering above you, taking notes on the way you sleep…


P.S. All viewers present are more than welcome to FB me and tell me where you live.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

And Eve’s Eyes Were Opened

I was driving in the rain the other day and experiencing hydroplaning to a higher degree for the first time. I find it easier to give sound effects when in moments like these, so saying things like, “Oh my!” or screaming is not a sign of an occurring problem; it is simply me expressing myself. But when I realized I might be scaring my passenger beside me I decided it probably wasn’t a good idea.

Actually, my sister Sierra was handling it with a surprising amount of ease.

I’ve also decided that since I started driving I have become more paranoid than I used to be. I think it’s because I suddenly realize that it does in fact take time to stop the car, once brake pressure has been applied, and that things happen quickly on the road and you don’t always have time to react. Knowledge is wonderful, but there was something nice about being ignorant. Like Eve before she ate the fruit.    

Talking about fruit, my other sister once pinned a bunch of fig leaves to her clothes (completely brilliant idea) for a Halloween party at AWANA (for all of you who don’t know what that is…it’s okay. It’s not detrimental) and came as Eve. I wanted to come as David, dancing before the Lord, but I couldn’t find a linen ephod.


P.S. My mom has an imaginary brake on her side of the car. I think I might have one too, depending on how oblivious to the road you seem.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

A Note to the Beautiful

I hope you never understand these feelings. When I lay down to cry I hope your mind goes blank. When you ask me what’s wrong, I hope you will accept my lame excuses, because if I told you then I couldn’t sleep in the innocence of your arms, and what good would two lost souls be to the world without one to bring the other back? So, please don’t travel down this path with me, let me push you away. I don’t mind what’s inside my head, as long as you remain in the beauty of your ignorance.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

He Thinks She's Attractive...But So Do I

If a person wants to go to bars, get drunk, and commit every immoral deed for their weekend then it doesn’t matter if you throw them into church and give them a good dose of Christianity, they are still going to do it. So save your breath and stop talking.

Not to say that there’s nothing you can do to help, but once a person gets something stuck in their head you are probably not going to be able to talk them out of it.

A confused friend of mine has been “searching for the light” for some time now. I have sat through conversations of the Muslim faith, Evolution, Christianity, and after listening and sharing Christianity when he brought it up (don’t want to shove it down anyone) for about three years, he recently informed me he is sold on Buddhism. I don't think anything I said made a difference.

It’s a hard realization that often times all you can do is sit back and watch them go down the fast track to nowhere. Positive side is that at least there’s a way back and you’ll be there if they decide to come back. But seriously, once you've said what you've said, you should probably shut up.

And now on a more serious note, it cracks me up is when girls say to their boyfriends, “Were you looking at her?”

Here’s why.

Women were created beautifully. Women find women attractive (studies show, not in a sexual way, though there are exceptions.) Men find women attractive (no studies needed). Men look women up and down. But…women look women up and down too. We simply have better peripheral vision so we don’t need to move our heads, hence we get away with it.

So the next time a girl accuses a man of looking at another woman, just know that she was probably “looking” at the other woman too.  

It explains why we can say, “Cute shoes!”


Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Let's Run Around Naked, Shall We?

My life became easier when I realized it takes two minutes for my bread to turn to toast. That way when you only have seven minutes before you have to run out the door to work you’ll know if you have time to eat a piece of toast or not.

After six years of babysitting various children I have come to the conclusion that there are some things that make kids happy but don’t make others…no duh…but I’ve also discovered that there is one thing that is always bound to make a young child happy. Let them take off their clothes, paint their bodies, and run around naked.

My all time favorite children to babysit, when I was still babysitting, was an adopted Chinese girl and her non-blood brother. It was the little girl who introduced me to this awesome concept of free styling it. It was one of her favorite past times.

Some mother’s only want their children outside for this activity (best time to wave at your neighbors) and some only want their children inside. I don’t think it matters either way. It’s not as messy as it sounds.

Come to think of it, I think we should all paint our bodies and run around naked.


P.S. The paint should be able to wash off. Just a suggestion.

Monday, August 30, 2010

I Love First Posts

I live in the country. We used to have animals, but really don’t anymore. To any brother or sister from the country that is code for I can swap stories of digging graves, getting up early in the morning to take care of them, and lifting hay (no, I don’t call it bucking), amongst other things.

I have lots of siblings. I love to dance. My parents were going to name me Lilly Miller until they realized that was a name of a seed company. Thank God they didn’t. I like to people watch, which means if you’re in the room I will be observing your behavior. I will try to translate your behavior too.

I’m going for an English degree. Ironically, I expedited my high school education because of my dislike for school, but when someone told me I could expedite my college education…well I thought that was just the coolest thing ever. So here I am back in school.