No one can help you. You will sit there trying to put into words how you feel, but nothing seems able to explain it. You feel isolated and all alone, but you can’t tell anyone why you feel that way…because you haven’t figured it out yet yourself. All the reasons you come up with seem silly, and after all, weren’t that big of a deal, and you are too strong of a person to let that effect you. But now you’re back to having to figure out why you feel so different.
People switch from looking like your friends to looking like people who will hurt you if you let them in. You push the people who actually care about you away because they look like a threat to your feelings of self worth. Not to mention you can’t get off survival mode. People love you, and why wouldn’t they? You understand pain to a deeper level than they even do and you therefore do not find it hard to understand them. We all love people who understand us because that is when we feel like we’re in good company and are being accepted. But for being so loved you feel like they’re going to leave you eventually. They’ll find out who you really are.
By now you’ve probably developed coping mechanisms in the form of bad habits that keep you even more alone. Maybe you cut yourself. Maybe you drink. Maybe you attract drama to keep your mind busy; never mind that you couldn’t stop from thinking even if you wanted to. Well, now who will save you? You can fake it for everyone. No one sees past your walls. Congratulations, you’re smarter than the rest of them. You’re smarter than me.
You don’t know what you want from other people. You want them to make you happy but you cover it up by telling them how concerned you are for them. You've discovered how to create a road that goes two ways. Those last longer. And besides, you're not selfish enough to make it all about you. You want to be happy, but you can’t see past your own pain to know what you want or who you want. But it’s very stable. You make it that way. You’re a survivor. But still…no one understands.
No other person can fix you. You’re always going to feel like you’re on the other side of the fence. The only one who can get through to you and never let you down is God. If you do not want a relationship with Him than you are always going to feel alone because your pain is not like the others around you…and that makes you alone. Even if you found someone who could understand you, well, now you’re both in the water and couldn’t help each other. Chances are, they will let you down at some point and you’ll be left feeling even more broken.
My Q: How do you help someone who can’t be helped.
I don’t know.